I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
