I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Will you blow on my dice?
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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