Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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