I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
