Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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