everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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