i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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