If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
