I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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