I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
