Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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