He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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