They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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