Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
