it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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