alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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