i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
