apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
