Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
