I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
