I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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