Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
