you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
