ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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