I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
