Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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