As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
