Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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