I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
