You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
