There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
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So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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