I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
