If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
