So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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