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I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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