Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
