ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize