We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
