I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
