walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
