I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
