im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
