Umm I'm too high to move.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
