there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
