i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I should be sponsored by Trojan
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
