if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
