guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
