Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
