im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The air was thick with penises
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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