with your own penis?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
