dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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