So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
