i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
