I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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