someone get that fucking seahorse.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
