I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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