I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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