No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
