I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
