Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
