when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I lost the right to judge tonight
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