um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
