I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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