she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize