Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
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as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
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Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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